My life has completely changed in the past few months.
I’m not talking about by a little, I’m talking 180 degrees. If you would have asked my twelve-year-old self or even my nineteen-year-old self where I would be at 32, both would have told different stories and painted completely different pictures. Thus, my new found relaxed look on life and fashion. In this post, you’ll get a closer glimpse of my personal life and the new beginning about to take place.
Love, having a child and even owning a house next to the city I grew up in would have been so distasteful to me at twelve or nineteen. However, looking back, I had no idea what it meant to be in love, to understand what potentially being a mom could be like or even appreciate where I spent most of my life. I let outsiders like my New York City friends and family define the life I was supposed to live, instead of defining what life actually meant to me and my soul, simply because I craved acceptance. I never really search my own heart and sought out who my soul was because I never really lived life in a way to allow myself to do that.
I’ve finally learned that timing is never right and that there is so little of it that to wait for it to be right is almost ridiculous.
Love has taught me a lot of things and actually living life has created a confidence in me that I know will continue to grow. No binge drinking on the weekends, no smoking cigarettes or marijuana, because in four months I’ll be bringing another life into my world that will change that lifestyle forever.
It’s like working a new color into the painting of my life.
There is a strong sense of anxiety that comes with that, worrying if the color will work well with the rest of the colors already in the painting.
Marriage to the love of my life is also on the horizon, so it’s almost like I’ve only put in the background to my life painting and now I’m just on the verge of fine tuning the details. I think I’m ready to start on the details, lol, however, I need to keep in mind that if they don’t come out as everything I’ve pictured in my mind, that it will all be fine in the end. As I continue to blog and document all my worries, wishes and hopes, I think it will indefinitely help me to become ready if anything else. Lately, pregnancy has not been a dream come true but I know that this baby will turn into my ultimate dream.
As for my fashion, I believe I’m on the same self-discovering path.
In the past two years, I’ve experimented more than I have in the past 12 years of my life and I’ve really dived into the retrospective as well as philosophical approach. My views on the environment, coupled with the fact that I don’t take fashion as seriously as I used to, make me feel more confident in my sense of style more than I’ve ever been.
For one thing, I’m wearing a watch and three bracelets while I’m writing this post, along with a necklace! I’ve never worn so much jewelry in my entire life.
I’ve battle with ADD most of my life which in my sobriety causes me to fidget constantly while my mind wonders in a million different directions, so wearing jewelry in the past would only end up making me look like a crazy mad woman or crack head. Now that my life has completely taken a different turn in the past two years, with expressing myself more in artistic projects, blogging and even meditating, I’ve been embracing accessories more in my life. Now, I just need to embrace rings, I’m not sure though if I can even go that far.
I’ve turned to dresses now instead of jeans and flowy silhouettes for outfits I wear to work that looks more like loungewear than workwear.
These days I don’t know whether my style resembles a vintage Paul Poiret muse, an old southern lady or a third sister of the Olsen twins.
I’ve been feeling extra creative though, the complete opposite of what I thought I’d feel like pregnant.
Now, if only I could gather up enough energy to do the fashion DIYs on my Pinterest list.
I’ve held off on shopping lately, because one, I don’t want too many maternity clothes, and two, I want to save up for my little one. I’ve been dying to sew something up though so I can’t wait to find out the gender for a dive into handmade baby clothes! 🙂